Dona E. Bowens

So Instagram censored my repost of a man calling Americans dumb in response to the question of “How did we get here?” I’m sorry, Insta, but there’s a whole lotta dumb going on right now. You know what’s dumb? Shielding Americans from the consequences of their votes. What’s dumb is voting out your own democracy…like the Germans did 100 years ago. What’s dumb is not understanding what democracy even is…it’s democracy or dictatorship, people, those are the choices. What’s dumb is believing this is about the price of eggs or the economy in general. What’s dumb is refusing to believe that this is about America’s original sin of racism and sexism.

It’s said that in times of conflict and strife, creatives go to work. I consider myself a creative and I’ve been mulling for weeks how my art of choice, writing, could be of any consequence now. The truth is, I’m a long ways tired. I’m part of the 92% of Black women who used our vote to avoid this shit. I donated money I don’t have, but I didn’t actively campaign because, oof, I just can’t see myself knocking doors, but I admire the people who do. Takes courage I don’t have to knock on doors and risk getting shot, cussed out, doors slammed in your face. I’m tired of being scared in my own damn country. I’m tired of worrying about how long I’ll have Obamacare. During the 2 1/2 years that I’ve been back in my own damn country, I’ve had 2 close encounters with gun violence and I’m tired of worrying when the next time will be and if I’ll live to tell about it. I’m tired of fighting against the people who want the chaos and those who support them. I’m tired of explaining to “allies” that if your racist relative is still welcomed in your world, then you too, support this chaos. I’m tired of getting push back when I say that if you voted for that felon in the Oval Office then you’re racist and sexist. I’m done explaining that yes, the women and few Blacks who voted for the shit stain can be racists and sexists. That’s what the country has demanded since long before 1776. In order to advance and be a “true” American, you have to embrace the worst of the American culture. Racism and sexism are a part of the American culture and I’m tired of it.

So please, don’t say to me, “Don’t leave. I wish you’d stay.” That feels like a threat to me. If you’re a true ally, you’d be telling me to run as fast as I can from this danger. You’d tell me to not look back as I escape and you’d pack me a lunch, shove into my hands what little cash you have in your pocket and guard my back as I make a run for freedom. Because, Dear White People, this is your fight now. Us Sistas, damn we tried. We sacrificed one of our own to the meat grinder that is American racism and sexism and America said, “Nahhhh, give us the felonious sex offender.”

I leave for freedom that can’t be found in America. Freedom to get sick and have that sickness treated without taking out a loan. Freedom from “Whiteness” that only defines itself by saying, “At least I’m not Black.” Freedom to have my culture and the contributions of people like me celebrated and not erased. Freedom to breathe. Freedom to not have my intelligence questioned because of the package it comes in. Freedom from the relentless medication commercials when the sickness that infects America has been there since its inception and will only be cured when White People have finally, finally had enough. I’ve had enough.